10 Steps to the Perfect Kiss

You're looking into their eyes and they're gazing back. You both move in for the kiss... pause. Not to worry though. With these 10 steps, every kiss from the first to the next will be picture perfect.

Step 1. Look into your partners eyes.

In anticipation of a kiss or to initiate a kiss, start by gazing into your partners eyes. Have you heard the phrase that the eyes are the windows to a persons soul? It's true. When you gaze into your partners eyes, you'll learn their true feelings, emotions, and intentions. In an intimate situation, gazing into your partner's eyes sends an intimate message, letting them know that you want to get closer.

Step 2. Smile.

A small, suggestive small does wonders. If you want to find out if you're partner is interested, sending a suggestive smile will do the trick. If you get a smile back, you're good to go. If not, or if your partner looks down or away, you probably want to back off.

Step 3. Lean in closer.

Now that you know you're about to kiss, it's time to move in. To avoid awkwardness, move slowly. Moving in too fast can make your partner uncomfortable. As you move in, make sure that you're in a comfortable position.

Step 4. Engage in light touching.

Men: A nice touch (literally!) to the perfect kiss is to lightly touch her face as you move in. A light touch such as this promotes the feeling of intimacy between the two of you.

Step 5. Tilt your head.

Now that you're moving in, it's time to make sure that you're aligned with your partner. You want to tilt your head slightly so that your lips are lined up and there's no chance of a missed kiss. Watch as you tilt to make sure that your partner has already tilted.

Step 6. Relax your lips.

Make sure that your lips are relaxed and not tightly pressed together. The perfect kiss is pleasant, with your lips softly pressed together.

Step 7. Moisten your lips.

Lightly moistened lips make for a better kiss, so keep lip balm close. You obviously won't be able to whip out the lip balm when you're "in the moment", so prepare ahead of time. This is true for both men and women. If you're caught off guard, a quick lick of the lips will work for women. Men, you want to keep your lips a bit drier, so don't lick. Both men and women need to tread carefully here. Lips that are moistened too much can make for sloppy, slobbery kisses, while lips that are too dry make for unpleasant, rough kisses. Women, you may also want to wear a brighter red lipstick. Experts agree that the red lipstick sends sexual messages to men and is a perfect addition to the perfect kiss.

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Step 8. Close your eyes.

Close your eyes as you're about to make contact. Some people feel awkward if their partner's eyes are open. Besides, you'll end up with a much more passionate kissing experience if you close your eyes and let the sensations drive you.

Step 9. Part your lips.

Now that your lips are relaxed, part them slightly as you begin contact. Don't open them too much or your partner may feel that you're 'swallowing' them. Don't keep them too closed either though because your partner may get the impression that you're not as 'in' to this kiss as they are.

Step 10. The kiss.

It's finally time for impact! Gently touch your lips to theirs and you have the perfect kiss. Be sure not to pull away too quickly. You want to take your time and enjoy it! When you do finally pull away, look your partner in the eyes again. A smile, an embrace, or a whisper letting them know that you enjoyed it are a nice way to end a kiss.

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Initiate Your Boyfriend to Kiss

In most societies around the world, it's traditionally up to the guy to initiate a couple's first kiss. If you're a girl, this takes a lot of pressure off you, but sometimes it can be frustrating if you want to be kissed but your guy is a little too shy to try to kiss you. Here's how to hint that you would like to be kissed.

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1. Be inviting. Because of respect for your wishes (and the fear of rejection) a guy generally won't try for a first kiss unless he's pretty sure you want him to. If you do, you should try to make him feel comfortable and confident. Flirt with him, laugh at his jokes, smile a lot, and compliment him. If you put him at ease and let him know you enjoy being with him, he'll usually find the courage to try to kiss you.

2. Break the touch barrier. Touch him lightly on the arm or shoulder when you're talking. Just make it a quick, innocent touch and don't make a big deal out of it. Holding hands is also a good way to break the touch barrier. The simple act of touching can strengthen the intimacy between you and him. Sometimes a guy will break the touch barrier, and if you're comfortable with him doing so, touch him back. But don't wait for a guy to make the first move here, because girls can generally get away with breaking the touch barrier earlier in a relationship than guys can.

3. Look at his lips. When you're alone with a guy and want to be kissed, make eye contact and then move your gaze briefly down to his lips. Then move your eyes back up to meet his and smile demurely. You don't have to be really obvious about it. Many guys will take the hint, especially if they've read one of the many articles that lists this as a sign that a girl wants to be kissed. If it doesn't work the first time, try again when the time is right.

4. Move in. You have to be close to each other to kiss, and the less distance a guy has to travel to kiss you, the easier it is for him to give it a try. So get close. When the moment seems right, put your face close to his and look at him expectantly. If you're brave, you could try moving in as though you're going to kiss him. Hopefully he'll take the hint and kiss you, but if he doesn't you can give him a playful little kiss on the cheek.

5. Talk about it. If the guy isn't taking your subtle hints, bring up kissing in conversation. For example, if you're watching a movie together and see an on-screen kiss, mention that it's "so romantic" or something to that effect. If the guy is really shy, you might just want to put it on the line and tell him that you'd like him to kiss you.

6. Kiss him. There's no law that says the guy has to initiate the kiss, and some guys--especially if they've never kissed a girl before--just won't take your hints. If you want to kiss him, just go ahead and do it.

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Do French Kiss

 

You have seen it done often in the movies and probably on the street in darkened corners. The French kiss is a timeless and passionate gesture of romantic affection. Whether you live in Paris, France, or Paris, Texas, you can learn how to kiss like the French do without an embarrassing faux pas!

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1. Moisten your lips. Dry lips do not move well together. Just a light brush of your tongue over your lips right before you kiss will be sufficient to moisten them. Don't lick your lips all the time, though, as this can dry them out further. Instead, use lip balm regularly. You never know when someone will go in for the smooch.

2. Angle your face. If your mouths meet dead-on, your noses will get in the way, and you will not be able to kiss deeply or smoothly. To avoid this, tilt your head slightly to one side. Make sure you do not both tilt your heads to the same side.

 

3.  Close your eyes. As you approach for the kiss, look into your partner's eyes, but, once you are close to theirs, close your eyes. It can be a bit of a turnoff to be kissing and going cross-eyed. However, you don't need to always close your eyes; some people enjoy keeping their eyes open and seeing their partner when kissing.

4. Start with a gentle and soft closed-mouth kiss. The French kiss is an open-mouth kiss, but do not lunge in with your lips agape like you're going to eat them; instead, open your lips very slowly. If you were learning to speak French, you would probably start with the basics, vocabulary and grammar, before trying to write poetry. Well, the French kiss is like the poetry of kissing, and before you can be good at it, you have to master the closed-mouth kiss. Even after you have added French kissing to your romantic repertoire, it is usually better to start a kiss with closed lips.

5. Go Dutch on the decision to French. Kissing should be a shared decision. You need to have permission to French kiss someone, but when your lips are locked with theirs you may not want to stop and ask, "Hey, this is great, but can I put my tongue in your mouth?" Open your lips slowly and just a little during the kiss so that one of your lips is sandwiched between theirs and one of theirs is between yours. As you are locking and re-locking lips, brush your tongue against your partner's lips ever so slightly. This should make it clear that you want to French kiss. If your partner's tongue does not respond in like fashion or if they pull away, you will have to save the French kiss for another time when you are both ready.

6. Explore with your tongue. If you and your partner seem to be enjoying the open-mouth kiss, slowly try to open your mouth a little bit more and gently push your tongue a little farther into their mouth. The tongue is very sensitive, and the mere act of touching your partner's tongue with your own will be very pleasant. Do not stick your tongue too far into the mouth, as this can be a big turn-off. Instead, just gently and playfully touch tongues. Start lightly. Usually, if the other person wants more, they will come and get it.

7. Go slow. Passionate kisses are good sometimes, but to really enjoy a French kiss, you must take it slow. Do not hurry and instead, take time to explore each other's mouths.

8. Breathe. If you’re kissing for an extended period, it’s easy to forget to breathe. Believe it or not, gasping and turning blue is not romantic. Take small breaths through your nose as you kiss. As you and your partner grow comfortable with the kiss, you can try breathing through your mouth a little: sharing breaths as well can be romantic (but not everybody likes it).

9. Mix it up. Kisses are like snowflakes: no two are exactly the same. Once you feel comfortable French kissing someone, it is tempting to try to do the same thing every time. Add variety. Sometimes kiss deeper, for example, and other times pay more attention to the lips than the tongue. Hold the kiss longer or shorter and explore the art of kissing.

 

10. Use your hands. While you should keep your hands polite, especially on a first kiss, you don’t necessarily want them just dangling at your sides. As a general rule, start with your hands on your partner's hips and then slowly move them around their back or up to the face and hair. Another turn on for the first kiss is to gently caress their shoulder while you kiss. It shows you are comfortable with him/her. Gently hold your partner's face with your hands on their cheeks and their neck, or wrap your arms around your partner in an embrace.

11. Read your partner's body language. Everybody kisses a little differently, and each person enjoys different things in a kiss - there is no "right" way to kiss. What separates good kissers from bad is an ability to read a partner's body language and be responsive to their partner. Of course if your partner pulls away or seems uncomfortable at any time, understand that you have to slow it down. Good kissing requires give-and-take, so read your partner’s body language and pay attention to clues (sighs or moans) that tell you you’re doing something he or she likes. Let your partner kiss you back, and move with him or her as long as you’re comfortable with what he or she is doing. Listen for clues that tell how much your partner is enjoying a particular kissing maneuver. If you hear a sigh or moan, or they begin kissing you back with increased intensity, realize that they are responding with fervor.

12. Develop your style. Good French kissing, like good kissing of any kind, requires practice. You will get better as you do it more. In addition, the more practice you have with one person, the more comfortable you will feel kissing them and developing a style that suits both of you.

13.  Talk about it. A lot of people have difficulty talking about intimacy, but open communication is important to all parts of a relationship. If you really like the way your partner kisses you, let them know. If you don't like something, also let your partner know that, but approach it delicately and compliment them at the same time on something they did that you liked. Even if the kiss goes all wrong, it can still be an intimate affair if you can both laugh about it together!. Make sure when you kiss you are having fun doing what you are doing. And don't kiss just anyone; make sure it is with someone that you really like and care about.

source : wikihow.com

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6 Things Every Girl Secretly Wishes Her Boyfriend Would Do

Girls are known for nagging. It’s not something we’re proud of, but, honestly, do we really have a choice? If we didn’t pester our boyfriends we would never get them out of their man cave and into a civilized restaurant. But despite the fact that guys don’t whine and give us puppy dog eyes when they want us to do something, it turns out that they their own list of secret wishes when it comes to our behavior.

Our boyfriends are wonderful; we love them more than anything. But if they did some (or preferably all) of the following, we’d be sending a mass text for a girls night ASAP to brag to all of our girlfriends about how absolutely amazing our guy is (and chances are they’ll be getting a little luckier then usual come bedtime…).

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1. Buys Us Flower for No Reason

We’re not saying to show up once a week with a dozen roses, but a surprise bouquet every once in a while wouldn’t hurt. It isn’t even really about the flowers (although we love having them in a vase on our desk…it really brightens up our brick cell). It’s the thought that we’re after. Getting them for no reason is you saying, “I thought about you because I love and miss you, not just because I got belligerently drunk and didn’t call you last weekend and am now sucking up.”

2. Make Plans or Surprise

We love being in control. We like to pick the restaurant where we know the atmosphere is romantic. We like picking the movie that will have us sobbing tears of joy when the couple gets married at the end. But what we would love more than the power of planning the entire night to our liking, is for our guy to take the initiative and just plan it. There is something extremely sexy about a man that takes control. So sexy in fact, that it won’t even matter if we end up eating Wendy’s takeout on the floor of your dorm room with a DVD and a cheap bottle of wine.

3. Shop with Us

The whole “let’s meet back up in an hour” thing is not really okay with us, but we go along with it so we don’t have you sulking in the corner of Macy’s bringing down our department store high. We like to help you decide which pair of jeans makes your butt look better, and we’d also like your opinion on which dress will be better for New Year’s Eve. We will save you the pain and take our girlfriends the majority of the time, but every once in a while a little couples shopping would be appreciated. Yes, we think it’s cute and romantic, and, no, Best Buy does not count.

4. Don't be "That Guy" At the Bar

We love that you’re fun and up for anything. We love that we can go out with a group as a couple and do our own thing, not grossing everyone out with baby talk and severe PDA. But we don’t love that we catch a glimpse of you from across the bar downing Red Bull vodkas and having beer chugging contests. Is this a problem? No. But the belligerent-I-am-going-to-kick-every-guy’s-ass-in-this-bar attitude is. We want you to be able to walk us home and offer your jacket if we get cold on the trek back to campus, not take a piss in every bush we see and yell threats at guys passing who look at you the wrong way.

5. Be Generous in Bed

We love knowing that we can satisfy you sexually. But once in a while it would be really great to get some pleasure of our own without feeling like we have to return the favor. After a week full of classes and work, a little visit down under (or perhaps an extended stay…) would be amazing, especially if we can take a night off from our duties. Please and thank you.

6. Come Out of the Man Cave on Your Own Free Will

Begging you to put down the Xbox controller gets really old. We know you’ll never give up the video games, and we accept that four nights out of five we will wake up to the sound of you screaming to your virtual teammates through that headset. But if you decided to emerge from your pile of pizza boxes and beer cans without the nagging on our part, you will be rewarded handsomely.

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Top Ten things NEVER to do on a Date

 

1. Public Prevention

If he avoids ever being seen with you in public on campus, you need to question the status of your relationship. If he is the perfect gentleman behind dorm walls, but a perfect stranger in front of others, then he needs to be kicked to the curb ASAP.

2. A Break is Really a Break

If while you're at school you have the absolute perfect boyfriend, but while you're on winter vacation, summer break or Thanksgiving recess he's a complete stranger, this is a major red flag! Perhaps he thinks the definition of "college relationship" is simply "I'm in a relationship only while I'm away at college." If so, you guys really need to talk!

3. Case of the Ex

Lots of people are still friendly with their exes. In this case, I won't tell you to be suspicious of their relationship because of your boyfriend. Be suspicious of her, especially if you don't know her; you never really know what her intentions are!

4. Cellular Jitters

Never once have you ever even thought about looking through his phone, and even though he goes out of his way to hide his screen and secretly text when you're not looking, you still have no desire to know what's in that phone of his. Just know, you probably won't like what he's hiding. Take precaution.

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5. Creep Alert

There's always that one guy at every party that's lurking around trying to get the attention of any girl that will give him the time of day. You know, the guy who's fist pumping excessively as he walks through the crowd with his beer in his other hand, rubbing his crotch on every ass that he can, waiting for some drunk girl to dance with him, as she is too wasted to know who's actually behind her. If that guy is your boyfriend, then I am personally throwing every red flag I can possibly find at you. Retreat! Retreat! This guy is NOT boyfriend material.

6. Dating Dilemma

If you've never been out on a "date" then you're not actually dating. Instead, you have one of those middle school relationships where dating is considered holding hands behind the park bench at recess time and pecking each other on the cheek as all your creepy little friends stand around and watch. 

 

 

7. Facebook Fraud

Ah, the social network drama. Somehow it's become a commonplace argument among young couples, 2.0. I personally don't like having the whole cyber world in my business so relationship statuses are unimportant to me, but if your beau actually takes the time out to untag himself in every picture of the two of you, I think now would be a good time to get suspicious.

 

8. Friend or F aux

I once had a friend who said something about guys and girls in relationships that really stuck with me. If a girl has a guy she really likes, all her friends will know about him. If a guy has a girl he really likes, he'll want to protect her from his friends (LOL). Part of me can really understand this; guys are naturally protective. Another part of me thinks this is complete bullshit, and that if your closest friends don't even know about me, then our relationship must not mean much to you. Ladies, what are your thoughts on this? 

 

9. Opposite Sex

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a best friend of the opposite sex. Hell, some of my closest friends are guys. But if your boyfriend's "best friend" is a girl whose boob he grabs every time they take a picture or whose hand he holds "jokingly" whenever they're in public, I'm sorry to break this to you but, that's not his best friend. That's actually his real life girlfriend and you're just some other girl he hangs with every now and again. Don't let this be you! 

 

10.He's Just Not Ready

If you and your boyfriend just recently decided to be "exclusive" but he's still rather inclusive in his weekend activities, perhaps you need to lay down some rules about what it actually means to be in a relationship. On the other hand, it could be that this guy just isn't the relationship "type" and is totally fine with just hooking up and fooling around. Perhaps you should look elsewhere for something more serious.

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The Most Important Words in a Relationship

 

Even in the best relationships, partners get on each other’s nerves from time to time. What’s the best way to make sure that minor transgressions don’t sabotage mutual respect in a relationship? With three magic words: “I am sorry.”

“I am sorry” acknowledges the other person’s feelings. They acknowledge a transgression. They take away the hurt. They put things on an even keel again.

Don't say : “I’ll interrupt you if I want to!” This approach is not recommended unless you think having a disgruntled partner is a good thing.

Option two is to comply and say nothing. This isn’t terrible, but it's not great either. If your silence projects reluctance or annoyance, it’ll probably land as compliance under protest—and that heals nothing. By far your best option is to comply and say “I’m sorry.” It’s kind of like vampire blood (if you're a fan of True Blood, you'll get the reference): it heals the wound immediately.

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Of course, “I’m sorry” has to come from the right place to be meaningful. It can’t be rote—going through the motions never touches the emotions. It shouldn’t be inflated, either. The “I’m sorry” that sounds like “I’m an awful person” will come across as self-absorbed and not genuinely caring unless your behavior truly has been awful—and interrupting or talking too much at a dinner party doesn’t qualify.

Bottom line, a dignified, self- (and other-) respecting “I’m sorry” will do fine.

So what are the three most important words in a relationship?

Not “I love you,” though saying that frequently is a fine idea.

Not “let’s have sex,” though having sex often is also a fine idea.

it’s “I am sorry,” three little words that are a wondrous cure-all for the inevitable hurts, little and big, that are our lot in intimate relationships.

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Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Boyfriend

 

When you love someone it’s important to allow yourself to express it also. Some girls restrain their show of love for the fear that the guy would start taking her for granted, but that’s like living from a very protective place. If you really trust his love why should you fear expressing yourself fully and if you don’t trust his love then ask yourself why you feel that way.  

Any action that swells from the innocence of a love filled heart is bound to carry the flavor of sweetness. But in case you are looking for some tips on things to do for your boyfriend, here’s a list.

Be all ears to what he says

You don’t only want to be his girlfriend but also his best friend. One of the qualities of being a close friend is to be a good listener. It’s not easy to be willing to listen without wanting to judge or comment, but if you really love him allow him this talking space. Let him talk his heart out and then encourage him to talk more, he is sure to appreciate the sweetness in your wanting to listen him out.

Dress to his taste

Remember that this is not a directive but something that you want to do because you love him. Your boyfriend may find some of your dressing style uncomfortable or too revealing, especially in public places. If you sense his discomfort you can avoid dressing that way in his company. He’s bound to find it sweet of you to do this for him. But take note that you don’t have to do anything that makes you feel resentful or else it will only end up making you feel lousy or exploited.

Cook him something special

In fact just cook him anything that you know he likes and he’s sure to find it really sweet of you, especially during the initial days of the relationship. Guys love a “home maker” instinct in their girlfriend. Even if you are not a great cook, he will definitely love you for putting in the effort for him.

Give him a special night

If the both of you are on physical terms then there is no better way to be really sweet to your boyfriend than to give him the pleasure of your intimacy. The giving part is usually the most loving part about sex, and as a girl you can really give him a pleasurable high with the things you can do with his body.

Baby talk him

Many guys love to be baby talked to. You can call him by some “baby” names like teddy, cutie, sugarpie, plumcake or puppy and sweet talk him. No matter how much we grow up we all have a child inside us that loves to be acknowledged. Cuddling and baby talking are some cute things to do for your boyfriend.

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Gift him for no reason

Nothing shows love more than the act of giving. If you know that your boyfriend is looking to buy something for himself, you can buy it and gift it to him. You can gift him a shirt, a cap or a t-shirt out of the blue for no reason at all but to show him how much you love him.

A genuine love within usually manifests as a gesture of giving and that’s the sweetest part about any relationship. You can do a lot sweet and cute things for your boyfriend just be holding on to the deep appreciation you have for the relationship. True love is always finding ways to show itself so opportunities will makes themselves available to you all the time.

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What to Do After a Fight with Boyfriend

Did you have another fight with your boyfriend? Is it something shallow that can be resolved logically or something deep like if you caught him with another woman?

Things To do :

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1. Differentiate what kind of fight you guys have. If it something that can be resolved quickly like if he was late again for your date, then you need to understand his reason why he was late, but if it’s something deeper like he cheated on you or he stole money from you then you need to break the relationship. Getting into a fight with your boyfriend is normal. Both of you have different personality and sometimes you tend to disagree on some things so it’s okay if you guys fight from time to time.

On the other hand, if he is physically hurting you as well as mentally like doing something you don’t want to do, then it’s time to end the relationship. He may have some issues that even you can’t fix. Besides, if he is hurting you, you are not helping him to be better if you stayed on the relationship.

Getting into a fight with your boyfriend is very unpleasant and if you let it escalate into something more, he may end the relationship with you. So what do you do if you have a fight with your boyfriend?

2.  Let things simmer down. Go for a walk or take a shower. You both need to calm down first. There’s no use to talk things out when the both of you are upset. Don’t talk for a while just let each other be calm. 

3. Ponder about your fight with your boyfriend. Where you unreasonable? Is this an issue that has been brewing for a long time? Do you think that it was a mistake for your part? What’s important is that you understand his side of the story too. Maybe you made a mistake or judge him too quickly. Do this when you are calm. 

4. Talk to him calmly. Let him talk first and try to understand his side of the story and then you tell your side. After that, try to think of a solution to the problem. Do you think he could wear a watch so that he’ll remember your date or maybe you can call him an hour before you guys meet to remind him about the date? Remember that nobody’s perfect and everybody makes mistakes sometimes. There is no problem that cannot be resolved so find the solution to your problem.

Now that you guys find the solution to your problem, it’s time that the both of you forgive each other and have some fun. Do something together that is happy and fun. There’s nothing wrong if you guys fight from time to time but remember that in a relationship, it’s not the only thing you guys have.

Remember that finding solution when you have a fight with your boyfriend can strengthen your relationship. The important thing is that both of you learn from that fight and learn to forgive each other.

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Five Relationship Mistakes

 

Sometimes finding a relationship you know will last forever feels impossible. When you're struggling in love or have had your heart broken, what else makes a successful relationship? Learn the five critical mistakes that may be keeping you from a greater love life.

Mistake #1: You Jump to Conclusions

While compatibility is revealed in Vedic Astrology and is very important, it's simply not enough. Why? Because you can be wildly compatible with a man who isn't a nice man. He may be an addict, an abuser or have commitment issues and will never meet your expectations. At the same time, if you're not compatible, then nothing else will matter

The Warning Sign:

If you don't feel good around him, if you can't talk and have him understand what you're saying, if you don't have a foundation of friendship and healthy mutual attraction -- you won't be happy no matter how much everything else is working and no matter how great of a guy he is. If you feel like you're working too hard on your relationship, chances are, you're not compatible.

Mistake #2: You Don't Read the Material

You must find a man that's "relationship material." He must want a relationship, know how to have one and be available. Relationship-oriented men are obvious: they're usually in relationships! They like women. They have friends. They get along with their families and people at work. Besides, you can find out if he's relationship-oriented or not by looking at his Vedic chart.

The Warning Sign:

Men who are not relationship-oriented are not close with their families -- or they're way too close to their families. They whine about or have drama with friends, they dislike everybody at work or they spend most of their time alone. You cannot turn a man who is not good at relationships, or healthy enough emotionally, into a man who is.

Mistake #3: You Rush Into Things

You're in a "season of love" and when you're not. It doesn't matter how hard you try, or who you meet. You could hire the best matchmaker in the world, and be on every Internet dating site, and you won't find "him." Just as flowers can't grow when the ground is frozen, but effortlessly do so when the snow melts, there's nothing you have to do once the conditions are right. He'll find you, and you'll find him.

The Warning Sign:

It's important to wait until it is time. Focus on having the best life possible in the meantime, so you'll be as attractive and ready for a great man when the right time comes. Studies show 50% of men getting married report they could have just as easily married someone else from their past and been just as happy, but that the timing wasn't right.

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And that part of the reason they're marrying the woman they're marrying, is that the timing just feels right -- now.

Mistake #4: You Settle For Less
You have to want the same kind of life. One of the biggest reasons couples break up is when one person wants children and the other doesn't. Or, one wants to live in the city and the other one wants the country. You have to be the kind of person he's looking for, and he has to be the kind of person you're looking for.

The Warning Sign:
You're not going to turn a quiet chess player into a party animal. Or a man who hates snow into one who wants to go skiing every weekend. Or a man who doesn't care about material things, and isn't very ambitious, into one who wants to build an empire for you. If you find yourself wanting to change the person he is now, first get clear on the kind of life you want and the kind of guy you'll need to have that life. Then, go find him -- and resist all others.

Mistake #5: You Don't Develop the Skills
Often, two good people get together and are happy for a while, but then one of them starts to harm or neglect the relationship. Even healthy, smart and attractive people sometimes don’t know how to relate. They try to find the reason for miserable love lives, "blaming the stars" for the latest breakup, or lack of closeness with their partner - when usually they don’t understand how to communicate, or ask for what they want.

The Warning Sign:
Once they learned those crucial aspects, their relationships improve, and they are able to get back that spark. So, if you've lost your spark with the one you love, or if he used to seem like your dream man but now you're not so sure, or if he's withdrawn from you and is not as enthusiastic as you'd like, then your relationship skills need an upgrade. You have the power to improve your love life.

By : Carol Allen

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Deal With Jealousy

 

We can all experience jealously at some point in our lives. The following article provides tips on how to manage and turn your jealous feelings into positive actions

Gaining self-confidence:

A lack of self-esteem might bring in a lot of jealous feelings within oneself. When one does not have very high opinion about self and is not sure about one’s own capability, that is when jealousy gets a chance to raise its head. Due to the feeling of inadequacy, one starts to harbor an unhealthy kind of dependency towards another which in case of a romantic relationship, is the partner.

When the partner is unable to handle this kind of needy dependence, then the feelings of mistrust arise. It is essential for the health of a relationship to develop self-confidence and reliance on one’s self. Making a few positive attitude changes will bring in a new self-confidence and will tackle any kind of insecurities also. Only when both partners have an independent life of their own, petty issues and concerns can be avoided.

Individual Goals and Self-Reliance:

Sometimes jealous feelings stem out of a feeling of inadequacy on one’s own abilities. Because of this feeling we tend to rely too much on others for fulfilling our own inadequacies and when our demands and feelings are not met, we tend to wallow in envy. It is very important for us to gain individual existence and we are self-dependent.

A partner’s company or praise should not become a need; rather it should remain a want and a desire. When we have our own goals in life to fulfill and have the self-confidence in our self to sail through life, jealousy becomes a non-issue.

Understanding Your Feelings:

The first and foremost thing to do when you are in the clutches of jealous thoughts is to examine where it arose from. Usually in a romantic relationship, you tend to get jealous if your partner is devoting too much attention towards someone else, but not necessarily someone from the opposite sex. Sometimes one might feel jealous of the attention your spouse is displaying on parents, friends, siblings and even colleagues.

You will need to identify exactly what has triggered the feelings within you which will then help you deal with jealousy in a better way. If the feeling has stemmed out of a baseless factor, you will need to self-examine and self-cure before it gets any worse. If the jealousy is based on something that you feel your partner has done, it needs to be dealt with by both of you through calm and sensible discussion

 

Building Trust:

Communication is very important for a relationship to become secure and the lack of it can bring in a lot of mistrust and suspicions. A couple needs to be clear about each other’s feelings, especially about issues which are a concern for either one of them. Laying down the cards on the table about one’s likes and dislikes will nip any kind of jealous feelings in the bud.

If you have any kind of distrustful emotions due to the actions of your partner, don’t keep your feelings bottled inside. Instead voice out your thoughts to your partner and let him/her assuage your doubts. Unless and until there is a base to your feeling of mistrust, there is no point of letting things get out of hand. But if there is real cause for concern, you will need to deal with the issue, instead of wallowing in feelings of envy.

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Besides, in many cases a compulsive possessiveness and jealousy might be the reason why your partner is not open about certain things in his/her life. It is therefore very important to keep the lines of communication open and give each other the benefit of the doubt instead of raising suspicion all the time.

Dealing with Threat:

When a person is very much obsessed with another, he/she sees everything as a threat to their relationship. Any kind of attention that is meted out to another will be taken as a sign of affection and love and, this in turn will bring fear in the mind of the partner, which will trigger jealousy. It is essential for a relationship to be secure and sound and this lies in the hand of the couple who is making the relationship in the first place.

If jealousy is not handled and taken care of in the initial stages, it can lead to a myriad of problems at a later stage. Apart from harming the relationship, it will inflict a lot of emotional damage on the individual self as well. A relationship which is shrouded in jealous and envious thoughts is like a pillar which is infested with moths. If left untreated it is going to collapse soon.

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Is He Still In Love With His Ex?

 

When you enter into a relationship with a man who has previously been heart-broken, the thought that he might still be in love with his ex will not probably enter into your mind immediately. There are many times when a person gets into a rebound relationship without even realizing the fact.

It is not that there is any intention to hurt your feelings; it is just one of the various twists in love. Ironically, even women love to think of themselves as the fixer of broken hearts; and willingly start an affiliation with someone who is clearly still in the throes of his previous passion.

While there is no reason to deny the start of a beautiful saga just because your affianced have had a previous relationship; but to knowingly enter into one when he still appears to love his ex, is definitely a foolhardy task. There is no guarantee that he won’t be going back to his ex, with the first chance that he gets and neither is there any assurance that he loves you truly and is not in a rebound relationship.

It is better to give him a chance to recover from his heart break before you start on a new journey. There are some very clear signs that his heart might still be in his ex’s hands and it is prudent not to ignore them completely.

She is still in his life: There is no harm in maintaining a friendly contact with one’s ex but when the person becomes a constant presence in your partner’s life, it might be a cause for worry. It is not healthy for a new pair of lovers to be constantly haunted by the presence of someone who was an important part of one of the partner’s life and will not sit well with anyone.

If your partner is spending more than the required amount of time with his ex, either in person or through the phone and net, it is time for you to have a serious talk with your partner, without any aggression or accusations, of course.

There’s no talk without ex talk: This is another painful thing one has to endure in a rebound relationship, especially if the partner is still into his ex. It will seem like there is no conversation topic between you; which does not inevitably lead to her subject. It might be a comparison of how it was before; vis-à-vis now; or it might be plain remembrance of the past, but if his ex’s ghost seems to be a constant shadow in your life, there might be a problem. It is completely normal for us to compare our previous relationships to the present one but if every topic leads to her, it means he has not moved on.

The ex fixation: Another sign that your partner’s heart firmly belongs to his ex will be displayed by his steadfast fixation with everything in her life. If his behavior borders on the edges of becoming a stalker, there is definite cause for concern. He could be continuously checking on her status messages, calling up her friends to find out about her, disturbing her with messages and e-mails etc will indicate an unhealthy obsession. While it is not a problem to be concerned about someone’s well-being, there is no excuse for spying into someone’s private life.

 

Jealous displays: Displaying possessiveness over one’s ex is not a very healthy sign and indicates his obsession with her. If your partner happens to bump into his ex with another man in her arms; and he starts hurling abuses at them or worse comes back home and throws a tantrum, he is still hung up on her. When he starts getting jealous at any news of her getting into another relationship, it is a definite red flag for you and needs intervention.

Trouble in the sex life: If there is trouble in the bedroom, the reason might be his ex. Accompanied with one or more of the other factors will definitely pin point to an ex related problem. When one shares a very passionate relationship with someone and that breaks off, it is difficult to get back into another so soon.

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Besides, there might be a guilt factor associated with it, if he still loves his ex. Getting into bed with someone other than his ex might be a problem for him which will lead to problems for you. And if he shouts out his ex’s name instead of yours when in the throes of his climax, well I don’t need to say anything else.

His ex is a taboo topic: Just like too much talk about his ex indicates an underlying problem, similarly his refusal to completely talk about his ex shows another. There might be another reason why he does not want to talk about her, but is he appears to have a depression attack at the mere mention of her name, trouble is definitely brewing.

Secret meetings: If you have caught your lover having secret “dates” with his ex, which when confronted, he claims to be just friendly meetings; you need to re-look at all the signs again. If he attributes his secrecy to the fact that you would be jealous may be a ruse or the truth. If he gets defensive or aggressive when confronted by you, it means he is hiding something.

While the above factors do not have to lead to an end to your affiliation, it definitely shows some potential issues which needs to be discussed with a cool demeanor. Directly throwing accusations might cause more problems than a solution, and it might be better for you to treat the matter with sensitivity and discretion.

Getting help of a mutual friend without involving yourself can provide some closure. It is good for you to work out a solution if you are truly in love, but there is no need for you to be stuck with so much baggage if there is no change in his behavior even after your discussions.

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Eight Reasons Why Women Get Married

The Bond Of Companionship

We, as humans are social animals and require the company of our fellow human beings in our lives. It might be the care and affection of our parents, the camaraderie between siblings, the shared goodwill between friends or the passion between lovers. In all the various stages of our lives, we are flanked by the company of fellow human beings.

Among all these relationships and interactions, we have only one which is the longest and most enduring. That is the relationship between two married people. That is the only relation which has the potential of a life-long commitment, keeping the divorce rates aside. You will not have the company of your parents for your entire life. Friends and siblings will make a life of their own and get busy. The only bond that you can potentially have for a lifetime is that of matrimony.

Shared Worries Are Always Halved

We undergo a lot of worries in our lifetime and once we become older we are reluctant to burden our parents with our problems. Even though friends help by their support and encouragement, again we don’t like to bother them too much.

But it is a different matter with a spouse; you can share even the minutest of your worries and the biggest of your concerns with them. It is a moot point whether your spouse is able to help you or not, but the fact that you have someone to share your problems with, lessens your burdens by half.

The Romance Of A Life Time

Although one might loath to be tied with one particular person for their entire lives, there is another perspective to it as well. A person might talk about enjoying their single status with a multitude of lovers and partners instead of being ties to one, but this is the talk of youth and beauty.

But it is another matter when you are in your middle ages without your beauty or grace and find yourself longing for a warm body next to you, to share the cold nights of winter. Whoever has experienced the bliss of being in love realizes the feeling of having that person beside them forever. There is nothing to take away the romance of a life-time that a marriage promises, if we are wise enough to see them.

Marriage Will Make You Happier And Healthier

Now, this is a fact which has been proven after a lot of research and surveys. It has been found after many studies that married people are on an average happier and as a result healthier, than their single counterparts. Before, you start laughing at the joke, it is in fact true that while there might be insurmountable amount of problems in a marriage, when you are happily married, it is one of the best experiences.

The Practicalities Of Life

One might argue that companionship and a life-time of romance can also be found without marriage and in a live-in relationship. Although that is true, but in many countries, live-in relationship is not legally recognized and even if it is, you don’t get the benefits that you get as a married couple.

There are a lot of legal and official benefits to be had as a married person and it is a practical reason to be tied to the institution. It saves you a lot of official and legal hassles, you can get a loan for your house or your car more easily. Sometimes, it is even easier to rent a place if you are married.

It might seem unfair, but unfortunately, these are the rules. So, it might be a practical reason for you to get married, which becomes easier if you are already in a live-in relationship. After all it is just a matter of signing some papers.

The Sense Of Security

Although a live-in relationship is great, there are some places where a marriage takes away the cake. You will always have a sense of the relationship being temporary in case of a live-in together whereas marriage gives you a sense of permanence. Although, it might seem ludicrous to some, marriage does help a person stay faithful because of the sanctimony of the vows.

Even though there are no guarantees of a marriage staying forever, most people enter a live-in relationship with the feeling that it is temporary. A marriage can provide a lot of security to a woman, especially if she is not financially independent. Just because the divorce rates are high, doesn’t mean that you should enter a married life with a fatalistic attitude.

Marriage Makes You A Responsible Person

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You might already be a reliable and consistent person, but if you are not, being married has a high chance of making you become a responsible person. You will learn age-old values of compromise and selflessness and though it might sound like a horrible idea, in reality it also helps you know what kind of a person you really are. The more you get inside the realms of matrimony, the closer you come to understand yourself and your spouse.

Love

Perhaps the most important of all reasons why women get married is the love they feel toward their future husbands. Even when financial, religious, legal or biological considerations factor into a woman's decision to get married, love and the desire to link herself to another are the most important drivers. In every society and in any context, marriage is a declaration of solidarity and a public commitment of love and support of between a husband and wife.

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6 Tips To Find And Believe In Love again

 

When a relationship ends in heartbreak, your world seems to have come to an end. No matter how you lose a partner, through a betrayal, divorce or death, at the time you feel as if you will never be able to find love again. It is quite natural to feel bereft and alone and stop believing in love at the time.

But while it is true that a wonderful period of your life seems to have come to an end, it does not mean that the rest of your life needs to end too. Life goes on, no matter what happens and the significant lesson we need to learn from that message is to move on, no matter what has happened. Your heart has been bruised but rest assured, it is not broken, it just feels like that.

You should genuinely love yourself and if you do, you will realize that you can find love again. And it is important to go on loving, because there is nothing in this world which makes life more beautiful than love.

You might feel insecure and scared to venture into the same path again, but if your trust your instincts and keep yourself open to the prospect of finding love again, you will do so. Depending on your own circumstances of loss, there are some steps that you can take in order to help you find love and happiness again.

Accept Your Loss

The most difficult part after heartbreak is the prospect of accepting what you have lost and the fact that it is never going to be back. There still seems to be that faint hope lurking in the minds that maybe things will be better. Well, things will definitely be better, but does not necessarily mean that it will be with the same person.

You have to accept your loss, in order to let anything else come into your life. Till the moment you cling to the memories and refuse to let go, till then you are not allowing the universe to make anything happen for you. When we lose a loved one through death, the suddenness and unexpected shock of the incident does not allow us to think about our lives at all.

But then, our loved ones would not want us to put our lives on hold indefinitely just because we feel too guilty to be happy. There should be a grieving period where you come to terms with your losses, but that should not go on, forever.

Be Open To Love

You have to be open to receiving love, for love to happen in the first place. If you refuse to let yourself be receptive towards love and keep your mind and heart locked away, you will not be able to receive anything from the universe.

Learn To Let Go Of The Guilt And Love Yourself

When we are left broken-hearted, most of the times we feel inferior and insecure about ourselves. It is a normal feeling because of the fact that we were dumped and so the mind automatically starts finding fault within ourselves.

While normal, it is not a healthy feeling and you should start letting go of any feelings of inferiority or guilt. The most important person in your life is you, and you have to learn to love yourself first in order to love someone elseds, you will feel lonely and abandoned. The faster you start socializing and having some sort of involvement with the outside life, the faster you will be able to move on in life. And it always helps to share your grief with someone who cares for you; after all, it will only be lessened.

Learn To Let Go Of The Guilt And Love Yourself

When we are left broken-hearted, most of the times we feel inferior and insecure about ourselves. It is a normal feeling because of the fact that we were dumped and so the mind automatically starts finding fault within ourselves.

While normal, it is not a healthy feeling and you should start letting go of any feelings of inferiority or guilt. The most important person in your life is you, and you have to learn to love yourself first in order to love someone else. So go ahead and indulge in some self-love and spiritual healing and set for the road to recovery.

Don’t Jump Into Anything

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This might sound contradictory when I have been harping about the importance of being open to love. The fact is that there is a time for everything , and jumping into another relationship right after the last one, to get rid of your loneliness is the wrong thing.

You need to come to terms with your loss first, otherwise it will be a rebound love and hence a failure. And rebound love affairs are very common and unfortunately do not have any distinct symptoms. So, you should be over your previous relationship completely, for you to discover genuine love again.

Don’t Make Comparisons

If you seem to have found your new partner and don’t think he matches up to your ex, stop right there. Nobody is perfect, and we always seem to think highly of the things in our past and paint a rosy picture about them. In any case, no two people are alike and just because your new partner has opposite traits from your ex, does not mean that he is bad.

The bottom line is that you should not be making comparisons between two people in your lives which is extremely unfair to your new love. If there is a quality which you have always hated then it is a fair deal to reject the person but not because he does not match up to your ex’s standards. It should be your standards, not somebody else’s.

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